I hate it when I fall into streams of tears whenever I get into an argument with my husband. Aside from the puffy eyes I usually get the following morning, I hate the thought that I can't find the right words to express what I feel inside. My husband and I would usually fight over sex differences. Like, there are times he'd drink with his co-workers and he'd reason out that it was a boys night out. And I just can't accept that kind of explanation why he needs to join them for like 3 times in a week (at most). For me, on the other hand, since we're already married and has a daughter who's just about to turn 1, he must focus more on us (his family) rather than spend most of his "free" time with his friends or co-workers. I can't understand why he can't say no.
When we get into these fights or misunderstandings, he'd often shut up. I just hate that part! To me, it seems like he's not open for a dialogue. It's as if he's telling me that he doesn't want to discuss these things further so I'd rather shut up soon or he'll say hurtful one-liners. But the only reason why I wanted to talk to him is because I don't like this thing to happen again.
When I was able to provoke him, he'd unleash his tongue to say words that would often hurt me. And then I shut up. Sometimes (especially during our first months of marriage) I cry. But in my mind runs all the words that were fit perfectly in a sentence. How I wanted to say it all! But I can't control my sobs. So I end up stuttering as if those words are pieces of broken glass I'm picking up.
I'm about to sleep now but I just needed to vent out this feeling. They say it's not true that couples need to resolve their differences before going to sleep. When we're tired we just tend to act before thinking of its consequences. So I'd rather sleep on this than to keep on arguing with my husband.
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