The Trouble Between Two Queens

In a household, I believe that there should only be one crowned queen. But sometimes, even when you're already in your own "kingdom", you feel like you're being ruled over by the other queen. Most of the times, it's a cold war caused by the DOs and DON'Ts of rearing a child.

I confess that I wasn't financially ready to raise a child when I found out I was pregnant. Sometimes I would break down because alongside this incapacity is my fear of not becoming a good mother to my child. But I've conquered these fears by reading articles regarding pregnancy and child-rearing. I watched videos on how to give bath to a newborn and on how to feed them their first solid food. I even chat with other moms (almost with the same age as mine) so as to learn new insights on what to do on certain situations. I also ask my baby's pediatrician regarding her growth development as well as her health. But when all things fail, here comes my mother-in-law saying all the SHOULDs to be done. Sometimes, she even makes me feel like I'm inadequate to become a mom. Though I'm thankful to how much she's concerned to her first grandchild, I think there are boundaries both of us should be very aware of.

When I had my daughter, that's the only time I realized that Moms know best! I may not know all the answers to the puzzling world of a first-time mom but I am confident to say that I know what's good and bad for my daughter.

The other queen would feed the little princess with boiled egg. She would even let her eat the "white" part. But I, the queen mother of the little princess, know that the white part isn't good for her. The doctor said that that part usually triggers a child's allergy. My husband and I already informed her about this but she would insist. The night the little princess ate that part, she vomited.

The other queen would put powder to our little princess... at her back, chest, armpits, and to my horror, even at her face! My little princess would be covered with mists of powder and later she would sneeze! My husband and I already informed her that the tiny particles of that powder don't dissolve inside our little princess' lungs. That would even cause her asthma! But she would insist. She would tell me her sons didn't have any lung problem even though she would pat a lot of powder on them. (But my husband has nasal allergy to any "dust" particle!)

The other queen had a lot more experience than the mother queen but that doesn't guarantee that she knows ALL already. However, though she would insist her "old" ways to our little princess, I would still be thankful for her presence in our kingdom. Maybe just like me, she only wants what's best for our little princes.

Oh! What A Week!

This week takes like forever to finish. My daughter's nanny just left us and now we're in search for another one. It's hard for me because I go to work everyday (except on weekends). It's hard when all of a sudden you just need to do almost everything in a very short time.

Well, thank God I've got a very loving and supportive husband!

But I seriously need a new nanny! :(

A Parent's Weird Dreams

I saw a post in babycenter.com about a dad's weird dream(s) when his wife was still pregnant and now that they're both enjoying taking care of their child. I had weird dreams also when I was pregnant that I never thought I would ever dream of! Haha!

Well, here's my version:

I missed my period last year for only a week when I already felt the symptoms of being pregnant. But even before I felt all those morning sickness, I had a weird dream that I also consider a "prophecy". In my dream I was already 3 months pregnant. When my mother found out about it she was furious! But in my dream I had a miscarriage that I don't consider a miscarriage at all. A blob of white thing, something similar to a gelatin, was supposed to be my 3 month-old fetus. And it looked so much like its dad! (That's the reason why I thought I was carrying a boy when we haven't had our ultrasound yet.) Then that dream jumped into a scene where my friends rode a bus and all of them were wearing white. When I told them about this dream they got a little scared. They thought someone's going to die.

I'm about 3 months pregnant

After a week when I had that dream, I felt sick. I wanted to eat some food but when it's served already I just wanted to throw up by just the mere smell of it. It was totally unexpected. My boyfriend, who's my husband now, didn't expect it also. So we bought a pregnancy kit test and as soon as I got home I tested myself and it immediately showed positive! I didn't know how to react at that time. I was half excited for the little life inside my tummy but then I was also frightened by what my family and friends would tell me.

Just got married. I was about 4 months here.

We got married last year. And while I was being a pregnant housewife, I experienced having bad dreams. One night, I woke up shaking and with cold sweat. In my dream, I went to the comfort room while my husband was taking a shower. I peed and while I was peeing, our baby just came out. We tried to revive it but it was too late. When I told my husband about it, he talked to our baby who's still in my tummy. He asked her to only come out when the time is right. She listened to her daddy.

Our baby was in breech position until on its 8th month.
It was also this time that we were only able to confirm that it's a girl! :)

I was due October 29, 2011. My husband talked to our daughter again through speaking to my tummy on the eve of the 29th. He told her she could come out anytime now. The next day, at 3:00 pm, my water broke. On October 30, at 7:38 am I delivered a healthy and super cute baby girl. We named her Mavis Sophia.

Our first family picture. :)

Happy Birthday Michipao

My husband and I only wanted the best for our daughter. So even on a tight budget we still made our daughter's first birthday a happy one!

Michipao's birthday fell on a Sunday. Our family doesn't only attend the Holy Mass. We are part of the choir. My husband plays the guitar and I mentor the kids.

Prior to her birthday my mother-in-law bought Michipao a "birthday" dress (red clothing is usually associated to birthdays because this color, as they say, brings luck). It just so happened that I have this Minnie Mouse headband and it matched with her outfit!

Isn't she adorable? :)

Late that afternoon, we went to Jollibee Lagro to have a short party in celebration of her first year. She didn't expect to have lots of guests. Our little babbler became quiet and shy. But not for long when Jollibee made an appearance and danced for all of us.

They say some kids get frightened at the sight of a big mascot. But not our little girl. When she got near Jollibee, she even taps its face with her spoon! And just like all her young guests, she was also so excited to be near Jollibee. That made everything worth it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHIPAO! from Jollitown

Party outfit of our little girl. Tutu skirt from Ninang Tseb and Yo Gabba Gabba shoes from Tita Gerrie and Tito Fabo.

Foofa cake by Ate Olive.

Thank you dear family and friends for celebrating with us! :)

Our little sendaways. A cup full of sweets! :)

My family with Jollibee! :)

The Right to Remain Silent

To all ladies out there who are in a relationship (either married or not yet), do you find it hard to just shut up in the middle of an argument with your partner? Or, isn't it more irritating when your partner doesn't respond to whatever you're saying (or doing)?

I hate it when I fall into streams of tears whenever I get into an argument with my husband. Aside from the puffy eyes I usually get the following morning, I hate the thought that I can't find the right words to express what I feel inside. My husband and I would usually fight over sex differences. Like, there are times he'd drink with his co-workers and he'd reason out that it was a boys night out. And I just can't accept that kind of explanation why he needs to join them for like 3 times in a week (at most). For me, on the other hand, since we're already married and has a daughter who's just about to turn 1, he must focus more on us (his family) rather than spend most of his "free" time with his friends or co-workers. I can't understand why he can't say no.

When we get into these fights or misunderstandings, he'd often shut up. I just hate that part! To me, it seems like he's not open for a dialogue. It's as if he's telling me that he doesn't want to discuss these things further so I'd rather shut up soon or he'll say hurtful one-liners. But the only reason why I wanted to talk to him is because I don't like this thing to happen again.

When I was able to provoke him, he'd unleash his tongue to say words that would often hurt me. And then I shut up. Sometimes (especially during our first months of marriage) I cry. But in my mind runs all the words that were fit perfectly in a sentence. How I wanted to say it all! But I can't control my sobs. So I end up stuttering as if those words are pieces of broken glass I'm picking up.

I'm about to sleep now but I just needed to vent out this feeling. They say it's not true that couples need to resolve their differences before going to sleep. When we're tired we just tend to act before thinking of its consequences. So I'd rather sleep on this than to keep on arguing with my husband.

The First Year of Her Life

I was about the celebrate my 23rd birthday last year when I found out I was carrying a beating heart in my womb. I used two pregnancy test kits just to be sure. I was a little in doubt of its result because I was only a month delayed. I never thought I'd be able to detect my pregnancy that early. But I was already showing signs - being sleepy, nauseating, becoming a picky eater. There would be times also that I don't feel okay wearing a certain shirt when in fact it was one of my favorites! (Blame the hormones!)

It was just like yesterday when my belly started to get bigger and bigger each day! My husband and I would marvel on how our baby would make my tummy look fluid. I envy him for being able to hug my tummy and for kissing it. Hahaha! How I wish I could bend my neck so I can kiss my baby as well!

This would be the last ultrasound photo of my daughter. I had 4 ultrasounds during my pregnancy! The first one was the transvaginal ultrasound. I was shocked by its procedure! Hahaha! But it was cute seeing that little thing "moving"! My OB couldn't hear the heartbeat using her Doppler machine during that time so she requested for that procedure instead just to be sure if my baby was alive! Thank God she is! :) The 2nd and 3rd ultrasounds I had were supposed to determine the sex of my baby and to report of her position. She was in a breech position and was never letting us see her genital! Hahaha! But these 2 ultrasounds depressed me because I feared of giving birth through CS. On my 8th month, I moved back to Bulacan and so I have to change my OB as well. When I had my checkup with my new OB, he said that the baby is in a cephalic position already - meaning, she's not in a breech position anymore. Hooray! But I just got to be very sure about this so I had my last ultrasound (the picture above).

I had 14 hours of labor. It was so painful that I threw up once and was saying foul words a lot of times! I was brought in the delivery room at around 12:00 midnight. At about 5:00 a.m. I wanted to call for my husband and request for CS delivery instead. But I had urges to push until the nurse told me there's the "bulging" of the head already. That gave me hope! I pushed when there's the contraction but my baby was having a hard time to come out. One nurse helped me by pushing just below my chest area! I thought I'd pass out because of that pressure but one long push brought my baby out to this world! She was placed above my tummy and wasn't crying in the beginning so the midwife had to tap her butt! When she cried I had mixed emotions! I didn't cry but I fell in love right at that moment! While she's being cleaned up, the midwife noticed that I was just watching everything she's doing with my baby. She said: "Your mommy's watching you intently that's why I can't even carry you for just a bit!" I was smiling.

This is the very first photo of my daughter with her father. While I was being stitched (and watched by interns!), the midwife handed my baby to my husband. My hubby was a little struck. He couldn't believe it's his baby! Haha! And as he was just warming up with his daughter, my mother took her "apo" from him. Hahaha!

Our first family picture

Her first Cerelac :)

Her signature smile :)

I was able to breastfeed her for the first 2 months. I ran out of milk when I started working full time. She likes milk! Hahaha! Just a few days before she turns 2 month-old, she weighed 6 kilos! That's when the pedia stopped her intake of multivitamins. She just continued her Vitamin C. She's not a sickly child. We didn't have any major problem when her first tooth erupted. She only had low-grade fever when she had her DPT vaccines.

On Sunday, we're going to celebrate her first year! :) I'm so excited! And I'm happy my baby survived that first crucial year of her life. :)

Keep smiling baby because the world lightens up when you do! :) I love you!

Her first piercing experience

Before giving birth, I didn't consider having my daughter's ears pierced. I concentrated more on how long does a "first-timer" labor, how to breathe properly, how to push, and so on and so forth. But not having her ears pierced!

Months have passed without me considering to put earrings to her ears... until she's about to turn 1!

Her grandma bought her 2 pairs of earrings but when I brought it to the doctor, she said it won't fit in the "gun". Those have a little bigger "stud" than the usual earrings for babies. So I chose a pair with her birth stones on it instead. I was a little nervous because she now knows "pain" and we might end up with no earrings on her ears. But I was thankful enough for the assistance of ate Pam (the nurse) and my daughter's new pedia. :)

She wailed! It seemed she won't ever forgive the pedia for what she did to her! Haha! But with a sip of choco shake (just a little), she forgot everything. On our way home, she fell into a deep sleep. :)

Baby Steps

I laugh when you try not to hold on to my hands. You like standing up on your own. Ever since you were born you seem to know already what you want. I was a little worried then because you're not like the babies of almost your same age who could crawl already. I was kind of blaming myself for not reading in advance the articles pertaining to "tummy time". I was thinking that maybe that's the cause of the delay. Then you surprised us when you were trying to pull yourself up in your crib! I was ecstatic! But your knees aren't that strong yet that's why you experienced also bumping your head on the sides of your crib. That's when I decided to dismantle your crib and give you instead a foam bed on the floor so you'll have a bigger space to explore.

And just look at you now! You stand up by holding on the ends of our sofa. You travel from our sala to our kitchen by holding on whatever you think is stable enough to support you. Your goal usually are things that aren't your usual toy. You really try your very best just to get it. And when you don't or you can't, you start crying. But when that thing is finally in your hands, you examine it. You look at it from front to back to front to back to front! You bang it on the floor or on the sofa or on the foam bed. Then you try to taste it and bite it until that thing is covered with your saliva! Hahaha! Then I'll be the KJ because I don't want you to get hurt by that thing so I'll steal it from you. You'll cry hard that our whole street might get scandalized by it! But I'll try to remain firm until you subside then we'll play another game instead.

I will let you stand on one corner without any support. I'll stand about one step away from you and encourage you to take your baby steps towards me. I have my hands ready to catch you when you fall. You wouldn't dare to step at first fearing you might fall. You'll close your fists and look me in the eyes. Then you let go. You took your first step then your second and then your third! You end up in my arms with smiles I can't trade for anything else!

Thank you for trusting me and I swear I will never break that trust. :)

I love you!

Why you should forgive but not forget

Maybe many of us have already heard this:

"Forgive and forget."

But most of us would argue that it's just easy to say that than to actually do it or live by it. I've tried a lot of times to forgive and forget but the latter was just really hard to do. Here are some reasons why:

1. The bruises you receive leave you scars. Some may blend with your skin tone but some would just want to share the spotlight with you. The bottom line: these scars won't leave you (unless you try to have some plastic surgery). Yet again, some scars aren't marks left by physical violence or accident. They're there deep in your soul.

2. The hurtful incident should be a lesson learned. I was hurt and I had hurt. I was forgiven and I also forgave. But I never wanted that same mistake to happen again.

3. Forgetting will not resolve the issue/s; forgiving does. We may try to ignore the things that have hurt us because we wanted to escape from it. But the more we run away from it, the more this ghost haunt us.

Now, if you can't forgive someone because you can't (or maybe, don't want to) forget what he/she did to you, just try to remember at least one happy event both of you had. We must learn to focus more on the beautiful things they did to us than keep remembering how we were badly hurt. I heard also from my friend that when you are projecting positive vibes, you are also attracting more positive energies to come to you. Vice versa: when you project negative energies, you also magnet more negative energies.

The World Is Such A Big Big Place

I'd like to be able to fly and feel the wind rushing into my face. I'd like to see the world as if they're a miniature scale of an architect. I'd like to be beside the clouds and pretend they're giant cotton candies! But most of all, I'd like to be in Sao Paulo, Brasil! Oh dreams!

Photo: screenshot from the movie Rio

My drug is called Love

My husband and I had a big dinner last night. So to let our stomach digest all the food we ate before we go to bed, we watched this movie Love and Other Drugs starring Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal. There were lots of nude shots and sex scenes but it wasn't that intimidating. Or maybe it's just because I'm comfortable watching it with my husband. The geek brother of Gyllenhaal here was our comic relief. It wasn't really heavy drama love story. It was actually, for me, inspiring. You may have gone through lots of experiences, meet different wonderful people, but in the end there'll be just one person who could make you smile by just looking at their face. I'm happy I found that person. :)

Photo: screenshot from the movie Love and Other Drugs

Bubble Babble

My almost 1 year-old daughter tries to tell us stories we couldn't understand (for now). She's probably building sentences by combining sounds she hears and words we utter. She'd say "izzzard" when she sees the wall where the lizard would often travel onto. She'd "meow" like a kitten when we say "meow! meow!" But it's very clear when she says "dadiii"! She once exclaimed "Lala!" (or Lola, grandmother in English) when her grandma surprised her. She seldom say "mamiii" or "mamaaa" but she prefers to be with me over anyone else.

Just last night when my husband and I got home, she started saying things we'd like to think was in English because of how she twangs the "words" she says. When she felt she wasn't given the attention she wants, she'd start screaming or crying! Hahaha!

She's really our little bundle of joy and the source of our never ending energy.